| so, the only good things to report as of late: |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|09:03 am] |
1) i finally have my associates degree in art and graduated with honors.
2) i got to see nate and spend time with him (and go to the Dew Tour)
3) i got to see and spend time with larry brown (and folsom)
however, for each ONE of these things, there are 10 more unfortunate ones to report. |
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| so. this is where im at right now. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|06:14 pm] |
2+ years of running in circles.
i refuse to believe you.
you just keep pushing (away) and i keep pulling you back.
then when i try to push you away, you pull me right back.
you're just it for me.
i dont know how else to explain it.
last night was fucking fabulous, by the way. |
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| i suck at this thing. i never write. |
[May. 22nd, 2009|11:23 am] |
grades.
philosophy (business ethics)
humanities (cultural diversity of the arts)
advertising for design (illustration)
management (supervision)
i have 93 credits total.
now what.
i know i wish i had the slightest fucking clue of where i want to go to school next.
ugh. |
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| Never |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|08:55 am] |
I honestly will never learn my lesson. Not to mention I'll never understand how this shit works. And I've done a lot of things to make me look like a fool in my time, but not like this. It's sad and upsetting.
Not to mention there's snow on the ground again. I don't usually complain about it-- but really. It's April.
Also I fucking can't stand the ting tings. |
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| an email from dad. |
[Mar. 29th, 2009|10:57 am] |
My dad and i took a road trip to Cleveland to see the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
Drove out monday, did a lot of shit tuesday, and drove home wednesday.
it was 3 days packed full of adventures and fun.
heres what he sent me:
March 26, 2009
Hi Julie,
I'm halfway through my 1st day back at work ...and I can't stop thinking about how great a time I had with you on our vacation together.
It was sooooooo cooooool to share those 3 days together. You can bet that I'll always remember and cherish the good times we shared on this trip, for as long as I live.
It's unfortuate for us that we can't have more good times like this...but, there's a lot of stuff that stands in our way. Let's make certain, that at times, we clear away all of the other bullshit and put it aside, so we can enjoy each other's every once in a while, okay?
You were a pleasure to be with...and you were so polite to others and me!
You're so consciencious too...always being pleasant and cleaning up after yourself and others...just to help out.
You had a great attitude! You were happy and you were having FUN! It was beatiful to see all of the enjoyment you were getting out of this trip.
That was a great payoff for me...because when you are happy then I am BEAMING!
Some things I remember well...
Our last minute stops before we left...bananas, yukey coffee, smokes, dip, gas...and the bank for money!
The McDonalds on the Skyway bridge and the $2.50 tolls
The scary bridge
You falling asleep on your special pillow
Our first gas stop...when you cleaned our windows
Me changing the CD's that have been in the player for 2 years!
Our Led Zeppelin jam
Our Red Hot Chili Peps jam
Then Bob Marley, mahn!
The Ohio Turnpike
Dale's...your TShirt and great Moz Cheese Sticks, with Killian's Red, in WauMee!
The itsy bitsy Cleveland skyline
Taking the wrong turns as we got into Cleveland
Following Big Head Todd
Checking in at the Hotel and getting a hot and freshly baked chocolate chip cookie
The cool condiment bar at Starbucks
A great - 1st night in town WORKOUT!
Swimming and Whirlpool treat
Itchy skin and burning eyes
A delicious dinner salad, hot fresh coffee and beautiful Plumerias to boot
Sleeping like a log on that 1st night
Waking up all excited about the new day ahead
Calling Ticketmaster for Eagles tickets
Walking down E. 9th St. and then E. 4th Street
Taking pictures on the street
Buying tickets to the Eagles concert...and getting good seats
The walk back to the Hall
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum
Taking that great picture together
...Robert
The exhibits and movies
Lunch with the crabby guy...and ja-lop-a-nos
...Robert
Shopping for souveniers...thinking of Grammy, Mom, Gina and Frank missing the great time
...Robert
Taking a nap before the concert
Figuring out where to eat dinner, before the concert...and you being carded 2x
Getting the run around from the old guy about where our seats were located
$15 beers...
$15 beers...
$15 beers...
Taking cool pictures and laughing at fat Joe Walsh
Recording the Hotel California song
"Poison Summer" song...oops "Boys of Summer" song
The Encore!
Our stop at Flanigans for more beer and fried Moz Cheese "pillows"
Darts...sticking in the woodwork...and the guys we met from MauMee, "I live three blocks from there...(Dale's)!"
Passing out in the hotel room on the second night
Moving slow on Wednesday...not really wanting it to come to an end
Fighting a headache
Walking around in the rain, looking for a place to eat...that wasn't smelly or across the street from Crazy Horse
Walking around the Galleria looking at cool art
Finding an IHOP!
Cool houses on "Lake Shore Drive"
Finding the highway home
You're headache
The Sun!
Reload the CD Player a 2nd time in 2 years
Ice cream break...and changing places again...you're turn to drive
80? 94? 90? which way home?
No traffic
...and finally, pulling into the garage...or NOT
Getting Home...and no one there!
Posting pictures on Facebook
WOW...I'm sure I missed a few things along the way...but I'm so glad I didn't miss this special time with you! My Special Daughter!
Love you!
Dad
xoxoxo
P.S. I had a blast! I trust you did too!
so, i read this and i was happy. i dont usually "act" like i have fun being with my dad when we're at home.... infact, thats how it usually is when i'm at home. for some reason im so fucking irritated at home. and its not really because of my family (well, sometimes) but its basically because of school, or work, or other things. but anyway, it was fucking awesome seeing the Hall of Fame and museum ... and spontaneously seeing the Eagles! |
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| so my life goes like this |
[Mar. 17th, 2009|04:40 pm] |
the past few months have been ... just... wow.
here's the run down.
December - Jan: Jason in England for 6 weeks, and Jeremy came home from New Zealand.
February: Jason was home for 10 days, and then left to Arizona for 6+ months. Jeremy spills the beans about his feelings and reasoning.
March: Break up, emotional break down, and car accident.
So heres how it went.
Things were great between jason and i for the most part, and it was really difficult to say goodbye to him when he left for england. even though 6 weeks isn't that long -- it really kind of is when you spend every day with someone and have never been away from them, even for a matter of days. leaving him at the airport wasn't easy, but the time passed. he was home only long enough for me to feel normal again, and then, that was it... he got in a car on the morning of february 10th and drove straight to arizona.
I've seen jeremy twice since he's been home. both times were fun. both times were simple. and maybe a bit awkward, but at the time i was thinking it was just me. until about two weeks ago. out of nowhere, he hit me with too much information. basically, he told me he left chicago so that he could "leave me be" and so that he could "get a clean start". he said, when he broke up with me, all of his reasons were bullshit. and that they were just excuses. and that i was right. he said he wasnt ready for "us" and he wasnt ready to grow up. he said he knew "our relationship was perfect and he freaked out" and didnt know what else to do. he then told me that he couldnt date anyone until june after he left because he couldnt stop thinking about me. and his plan had failed him. he said even after the first girl he dated, he still didnt feel right. also, he noted that, "im like an addiction" he cant stop. he feels all of these things, but he just cant "see us together".
many other things were said that night, but he just told me that he wants me to be happy.
as it stood that night. Jeremy and i were still friends and still had plans to hang out a few times before he leaves the country again.
exactly 3 nights after that.... he tells me we can no longer hang out. talk. be friends, anything. nothing at all. he said he has to" finally be done. finished with the what if's and the maybes"
so - imagine what this did to me. but honestly, what did i expect?
the point is, that i was still affected by the things he was saying. i was still hurt, crushed and heartbroken.
and i have a boyfriend. i felt completely untrue to jason. its hard to explain really, but the best i can do is say that -- i still had feelings for jeremy. and ive been with someone else for a year. and im in love with him. however, if i still have feelings for someone else, i can not possibly give all of myself to jason. and that is not fair.
so, two days following that-- i broke up with jason.
for a few reasons.
i need to deal with my emotions. realize that jeremy is gone, and he and i are done with. i have never been pushed so far away by someone in my life, and i have never been so denied . i deserve the person that jeremy is-- but i would deserve ALL of him, and i can not have all of jeremy. and i will not wait for him either. so therefore, its through. completely. and i have to get a hold of that.
next, jason is gone for another 6 months at least. i'm trying to figure out what i want to get my degree in, what school i want to go to, how im going to pay for it. where i'm going to live, if i need to get another job, etc.
more or less, i need to focus on my life and things i need to accomplish. I do love jason. and i do want to be with him, but obviously, now is not the right timing.
I didnt break up with him to get over him. and i know the kind of girl that i am. and im not "needy" but i need the intimacy of a relationship. the compatibility, the friendship, the cuddles, the visual, mental stimulation, and a phonecall every night will not suffice for me. maybe thats shallow? but at least im honest.
So, currently.
jason and i have spoken a few times since we broke up, and jeremy-- not once. not a text, a phonecall,or indirect pass at anything. As far as i'm concerned, i can only give someone so many chances, and i'm done.
car accident on saturday -- ugh. heading eastbound on 290 merging onto 90/94. terrible, as usual. and to make a long story short, 4 cars had to slam on their brakes, which forced me to, which forced the guy behind me to have to slam on his too, only he didnt stop in time.
so yay!
thats my long update.
oh yeah! and. ....
i love this fricken girls hair and i want it.
i need some opinions.
could i pull it off? or would it not be a good style for me?
honesty, please! before i chop all my hair off again. hahah |
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| I am terrible at relationships |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|11:50 pm] |
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And if dudes aren't ruining their chances with me, I'm breaking up with ones who don't deserve it. |
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| It's never any easier |
[Feb. 10th, 2009|06:39 pm] |
Today is the day that I've been really unexcited about for months now. When I found out a few months ago that he would be leaving me-- I changed my mind about things a million times since then.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you never know if things are going to work out, if he is "the one" or what the future will eventually hold for you. At least I never knew any of these things for sure until now. I have totally figured out what it is about him that I absolutely love and adore. He deserves the chance to at least feel love once in his life from woman. He deserves what I can give him, and sure he's made mistakes, as have I, but he has done more than enough to assure me that I am everything he wants. Makes me feel beautiful, is my best friend, and believes in me. More than that-- he puts up with me. And anyone who knows me well enough knows that I can be a lot to handle at times. But overall-- I want to give him all of the chances that other guys never gave me. Because, well, Jason has obviously taken some chances on being with me too. And let's face it, he makes me smile so hard. He is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life- and although he is not "julies type", maybe julie's type wasn't the best the first ten times around.
I've fallen in love with someone who might very well be my oppsite, and it's working. The next 6 months are going to be so difficult, but I hope to be able to pull my own weight and not fuck this up.
In a few months time, I'll be making my way to arizona.
Let's hope I can make it that far. |
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| i had a dream last night.... |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|09:41 pm] |
and for the first time in 4 years i have considered moving back to vegas (temporarily) to finish school (finally)
all because of a dream.
and its very strange - i have been thinking about it all day. but i feel like... i dont know.
its pretty crazy actually. but for some reason, i feel really good about it.
who would have thought. |
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| This lifetime. |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|10:07 am] |
So, today marks a day of reflection in this country's history. It's not just a holiday, or a day off from school.... although for many years of my life it wasn't much more than that. For me, every year I think about what it mens more and more. How much personal progress I think i have made. I feel more understanding and compassionate.
One of my teachers asked the entire class last week to read the MLKJr. "I have a dream" speech, and then reflect on it. I've not read this speech, in its entirety, until last week. (If you havent either, just do it)
I know that there is a little bit more hype about the importance of his movement this year than any other, because tomorrow's proceedings show truth in progress. But, really when i think about it... i think that yes. we have made a lot of progress, but, what about the people that still cant be ok with us having a (half) black president? Obviously, this year isnt much different than any other, because-- no matter what president we have, there will always be people that will dislike him/her.
Everyday, i encounter something regarding race that truly just pisses me off. And i'm still guilty of it as well. It is SO EASY just to target people based on their accent, color of their skin... whatever. I work in a place where HUNDREDS of different people walk through the doors. Some are very cordial and nice, while others are just absolutely ignorant and rude. When the ignorant ones stand out-- it is so easy to say something that is not really appropriate. Isnt that the problem? the fact of the matter is, -- like, listen. There are always going to be rich people, poor people, the assholes, bitches, old hags, little bastard children, and annoying picky ass people who- quite frankly, will always get under my skin. because, i'm not that strong. My personality is defensive, and short tempered. (this is why i always say when i grow up i have to be my own boss ;) ) anyway, there will ALWAYS be these types of people, and there will ALWAYS be different "colored" people.
but the bottom line? we're all people. and we're all assholes. and jerks. and complainers, and picky with our "grande-non-fat-no-foam-extra-hot-latte-with-a-little-whipped-cream-but-not-too-much....OH MY GOSH! Thats-too-much-foam-and-not-enough-whipped-cream-.....CAN YOU REMAKE THIS FOR ME?"
just reading that makes me want to punch someone in the face!
im just wondering when we can all just relax. and we can all just live happily. when being gay is no big deal. and being black doesnt mean youre a "nigger". and being of middle eastern descent doesnt make you a "camel jockey". when being asian doesnt automatically make you a genius. when being a mexican doesnt mean that you're a wet back.
i dont know. it really gets to me. there will always be jokes, and thats fine. because, we need humor in order to somehow make it work. but we dont need to be offensive/take offense. we dont need to hate people just because. i just want to know when.
Emancipation Proclamation - Sept. 22, 1862
I Have a Dream Speech - Aug. 28, 1963
First Black President (does it really matter that he's only half black?) - Jan. 20, 2009
Sure. Things take time. Especially for a world and a country with so many different types of people. I guess, we should start with the things that drive with the most discrimination, and prejudice. to me, that stems from religion. (so shoot me.)
but thats a whole other topic.
does anyone else think that this is all such a mess? i think most of the people that are hoping that Obama comes into office and turns everything around, are never fully going to be satisfied. But, i am personally hoping, and have trust in him. that he will make changes that this country has never seen. positive ones. i really really hope so.
It just sucks that his first couple years in office are going to be focused on cleaning up the mess that Bush created. Obama seems to have such an innate sense of what needs to happen. i hope everyone feels that.
Regardless of what ANYONE says. whether you like Obama or not- THIS IS ANOTHER PIVOTAL MOMENT in history. and we're all living and growing up in this time. and we will forever be tied to it. ... and im okay with that. i want to see what this man can do to lead us. im excited. |
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| It's been quite a while... |
[Jan. 16th, 2009|04:49 pm] |
So, I find myself having a lot to say, but never knowing how to organize my thoughts into words. Either that, or I just don't have the patience to.
I've started yet, another semester at COD, even when I wasn't supposed to. I have 81 credits obtained, not counting this new semester. The requirement for your associates degree? 64 credit hours. Ugh.
I got offered this job. So I took it. I'm a little confused, but hopefully my coach gets everything organized so I can do what I need to.
Something happened to me today that was a bit of a surprise. Nothing big, but pivotal, perhaps. I saw a teacher of mine walking down the hall... I had her the first or second semester I was at this school. While passin her in the hallway she smiled and said," hi julie! So good to see you!" as insignificant as it may seem, I only spent 16 weeks in her class, only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Either she just has a really good memory, or something about me stuck out enough for her to remember me 3 years later. ... I'd like to think it was the latter. And that makes me feel really good ....
To be continued.... |
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| good. |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|11:26 pm] |
i scored a sick ass goal today.
we won 4-0
so much to talk about besides this. buttttt i dont feel like it.
goodnight! |
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| finally. |
[Aug. 18th, 2008|12:08 pm] |
MY INTERVIEW AT NORDSTROM ESPRESSO BAR WENT REALLY WELL!
im stoked. the people i met that work there already seem really really cool. and i think this is going to be a really great thing for me. :) i hope i get the job. im freaking stoked! |
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| this will always make me laugh. |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|10:46 am] |
although this woman says his last name the "american" way (and shes british) here's thierry henry, pulling a funny trick.
hilarious.
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| opinions/help. |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|02:18 am] |
ALRIGHT, SO WHOEVER STILL READS THIS THING OF MINE, I NEED SOME INSIGHT!! PLEASE!!!
here's the situation.
boyfriend= jason
boyfriends brother= john
boyfriends girlfriend/friend of mine (from soccer team) = karla
karlas best friend/also on the soccer team= lauren
i absolutely HATE drama in my life that i dont need, not to mention im not very fond of john for numerous reasons, a few being outside of this situation so i'll refrain from talking about them. anyway... john has been cheating on karla. hes been cheating on her... since... well... basically since they became "official". now, a while ago, i decided to stay out of it for a few simple reasons.
one being that, i didnt want to deal with drama. second being that its really none of my business. hes my boyfriends brother, and shes just a friend of mine (not a best friend, not someone i often hangout with, or even talk to outside of soccer). so i've been doing my best just to ignore it.
however... its gotten too extreme.
prior to john and karla being official, john was juggling both karla and lauren. sleeping with both of them, telling them both that he loved them, etc. now, even after he "chose" karla... its never stopped him and lauren.....
lauren has been having problems at home, so being the good friend that karla is, her family has invited lauren to move in with them til she gets stuff figured out....
now, she hasnt moved in yet... but shes supposed to.
keep in mind, the WHOLE time that john and lauren never stopped hooking up.
this is supposed to be this girls BOYFRIEND who shes IN LOVE with, and her BEST fucking FRIEND.
karla has been out of town for a little over a week now. and ive been over to jasons house numerous times in the past week and seen laurens car parked down the street clearly trying to make it unobvious that shes there... real smooth, right? i know that shes stayed the night, i KNOW they've been hooking up, and having sex. it absolutely disgusts me to even think about these two ridiculous people doing this to a girl who is completely oblivious and fully trusts the both of them.
heres my question.
do i tell the poor girl? or do i just keep my mouth shut?
because honestly- before i never physically SAW john and lauren hooking up. i just heard word of it when john would brag about how smooth he was. now that i have flat out seen for myself how truly sad these two are, i almost feel obligated to tell karla, even if its not my business.
all i know is that, if people knew that something like this was going on behind my back, i would HOPE that someone would fucking tell me.... honestly, i would just tell the girl, however. jason has asked me to just leave it alone. only because he doesnt want to have to deal with the bullshit john will cause afterward. he thinks john will blame him for me saying anything in the first place, and he doesnt want to have to put up with it.
and trust me, john is a fucking cock bag. and he will make jasons life hell.
so. what do i do.
do i go against my boyfriend?
or do i try to help karla out because she doesnt deserve it? |
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| friends. |
[Jun. 28th, 2008|12:37 pm] |
it sucks when you come across someone's profile online that you haven't really bothered to look at in a long time....
it sucks when it hurts to look at it so bad that you start to cry.
it sucks that you know that most of their major accomplishments are happening and you're not really a part of their life anymore.
when i saw a picture of this persons family, i had a fucking meltdown.
im not around anymore. i'm not a part of you anymore. it doesn't matter what i say, or what happens or changes or doesn't change... it wont ever be the same.
i hope you know that i miss you. i hope you know that you're still everywhere i turn, everywhere i look. you're still in most of my thoughts. you're in almost all of my memories. you were a part of me. you were with me, beside me, you held me up, you pulled me in, you pushed me forward. i've accepted that this is just the way things are now. however, i know, for sure, that i wasn't supposed to live my life without you. and i hope you know that. i hope you know that i will never hate you. i will never forget about you. i will never wish anything but the best for you. i hope you know that i always wanted you to be my best friend. i always wanted to be yours too.
tonight, im going to the Chicago Fire game. I have a private invitation for Jason and I for the pre-game party. Tonight they are unveiling/introducing the womens professional soccer team of Chicago. They are called the Chicago Red Stars. My dads friend bobby is the one that got me into this thing in the first place. Last night he called my dad and told him that there's going to be a lot of people there that are directly involved with this team. He told my dad that there might be a possibility of a job for me, based on what bobby tells these people about me. im keeping my fingers crossed, but im trying to keep my hopes down.
either way, party starts at 5:30 game starts at 7p. it'll be super fun. im stoked!!! :)
if you havent seen wall-E yet... do yourself a favor and do it! its phenomenal!
:) |
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| i'll lose every time |
[Jun. 23rd, 2008|02:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | owen | ] |
no matter what i do, it doesnt matter.
no matter who i think is right for me, never is.
all i know, is that i dont deserve to be treated the way i have been.
maybe me being unsure was a hint.
maybe the way this all started was a huge hint.
maybe i just shouldnt be allowed to be in a relationship.
maybe i should just get the fuck over it and be done.
maybe i should stop making stupid mistakes (letting people into my heart)
maybe i just need to be alone for a long, long, long time.
its sad really, that the night had to end like this. the past week has been absolutely phenomenal. starting with monday. thursday morning jason and i went camping with my brother and my dad and some of my dad's friends. we left saturday morning to meet up with my uncle and cousins to go to six flags. it was so much fun. we stayed the night at my cousins house, went to the mall with all of them today, had lunch and came home... unpacked, relaxed.. had dinner with my family. then i took him home. fell asleep for a while with him and drove home again. and thats where shit hit the fan.
im just over it. |
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